I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
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do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
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Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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