Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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