yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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