i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize