Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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