Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
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I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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