Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sorry my hands just texted you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize