After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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