so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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