saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
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just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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