I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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