It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
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One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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