I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize