Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize