I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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