so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
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Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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