Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize