Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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