I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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