Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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