Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
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Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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