remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
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So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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