I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize