We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
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i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
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GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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