I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
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Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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