Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
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I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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