I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We left an ass print on the piano.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
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Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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