I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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