you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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