I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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