you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
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I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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