I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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