I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
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I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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