i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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