did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
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The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
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I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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