Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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