He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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