im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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