you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The Olympian is in my bed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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