The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
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So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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