i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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