only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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