It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
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My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
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I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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