So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Alive.
So much puke
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
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