she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
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I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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