Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize