she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize