Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
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according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
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And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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