I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize