You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
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An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
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Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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